Okay peeps, forgive the late post, but this is the first time today I’ve had a minute to write something. (Well, I could have done it like an hour ago, but damn it I wanted to knit.) This morning I worked on a super secret project — which isn’t at all secret, I’ll gladly tell you about it, it’s just really boring and not at all knitting related. Then I worked at the bookshop for a little bit. (I actually found a sex guide book in the vintage books. It was published in 1961! That was back in the days when the preferred method of birth control was shame. Amanda read it for a lot longer than I thought she would — she learned a thing or two.)
Then I worked at the clothing store for the rest of the evening, where I had to fight the urge to Bitch-smack these community service kids. I got to do typical adult talk too. (The “Don’t you worry about what Heather’s doing, I’ll worry about what Heather’s doing. You worry about what you’re doing.”) So, as if I didn’t already have enough to do, I also had to watch the clock every time they would go on their breaks. And I also had to sign a huge stack of tax-receipts. (I like to do this though, it makes me feel important.) I got so bored in signing — I had about a stack of them two inches high, that I actually signed one, “Alex Smith,” and one, when I was a little bit bolder, “Pheobe Buffay.” (If you watch Friends you’ll get that last one.) And an hour ago, I got to eat real food, instead of the bits and snacks that I’d been munching on all day.
In my head I call tomorrow D-day. That’s the day where I have to make a payment to Kent. No, I’m not paying this semesters full balance, but I’m paying about a third of it, and it’s still a big deal, because if I don’t pay them at least a third by midnight tomorrow, I won’t go to college. (I’m still having freak outs that I read the 7 million things wrong that told me August 9th, and that it’s really do midnight tonight, and then I won’t go to college and will have to be a secretary for the rest of my life.) I’m heading there with some friends, (Amanda from above is one of them) and I know everything will go fine.
In my heart, and I hesitate to say this, I never actually believed it would happen. For so long, it had been the thing that I’d looked to with a gleam in my eye, one that I even took steps toward, but I really never believed that it would actually happen. I always thought that I’d find a job that I couldn’t refuse, or I wouldn’t be able to round up the money (jury’s still out on that one) or that I would put off for some weird reason. I never actually thought that it would happen. I was scared, and I still am, but the thing is, I know that I can do it. I guess that means that since this dream, the dream of actually going, looks like it’s pretty much coming true, that all the other one’s will. Maybe someday I can leave Ohio. (Can’t come soon enough) Maybe someday I’ll publish a novel. Maybe someday I’ll actually be able to comprehend the highways as you drive through Akron. (I just have to say that my father tried to teach me this, and still hasn’t got the message. It doesn’t help that he confuses 77 and 76 and East, West, North and South. He always knows where he is going, he just can’t tell you. And it also doesn’t help that the principle highways in this area have a lot of 7’s , 77, 76, 71, 271, 217, then you’ve also got 80, 8, 261, and 216. And it doesn’t help that I always feel I’m going to die when I ride through Akron. The only time I enjoyed it was when Jack’s mother gave us a ride home at about 1 am. )
What was I talking about? Oh, right, college. I’m anticipating that moment to be one of those toss your hat in the air things. Just call me Garret Tyler Moore.
Until then, I’m packing and making lists, and getting things rounded up and making lists of supplies that things that I’ll need to pick up and tying up lose ends here. You know the moment I knew I was an adult. It was my first day at my first “real job” or when I finished my first book, or when I turned 18 or when I showed the grace and courage to deal with family crises. It was the day that I bought my first suitcase. Never mind that it was a little one, and that I bought it (well, took it — this was at the free clothing store, same one from above) second-hand and that it wasn’t even big enough to put all my clothes in. That always was the adult thing to me — getting a suitcase. That was always the thing that you had when you were a grown up. That was the thing you got when you graduated high school. (Which I did a while ago, with a diploma I got in the mail, and almost tore it in half getting it open.) (They didn’t send a suitcase) But I got another two small ones tonight, so, I’m one step closer to being ready.
I’d intended to write something about knitting here, to maybe show you a picture or something. But it’s late, and it’s dark, which means that I can’t get a good picture, which is hard at the best of times. I am working away at the pi shawl. It’s going with me to Kent tomorrow. I’m getting close to being done — I can feel it. I don’t know how close, but I’ll know it when I get there. I have a feeling this one might come out a bit bigger than planned. Anyway, I wasn’t talking about knitting. Good night all, and I’ll see you later. (Well, not see, but you know.)