I Did It!

I really did. Less than forty-eight hours after screwing up the button holes on my latest sweater, I fixed them, which is probably only because I had the math already done, and I was listening to the radio. I feel like I can do anything while listening to the radio, because my hands are free, it’s a little worrisome.

I think that it is the curse of cardigan lovers to have to fool with some paltry subject like button holes. They are nothing besides a pain in the ass, and I can count up the number of times I’ve actually used the on one hand. I wanted a sweater to be open in the front, that’s why I made a cardigan. But, if I don’t do them, I feel like I’m wearing an unfinished sweater, which is odd, because I haven’t got the slightest problem with wearing a sweater that doesn’t have buttons, as long as it has the holes for them.

I would have done a zipper, but then that would mean that I would have to sew one of those things in, which is not happening again on about ten and a half different levels. I either have to hand sew it or drag out THE MACHINE. I would hand sew myself into my shroud before I would use THE MACHINE. Suffice to say, that I may have one or two issues with THE MACHINE. They are as follows.

1. I always feel like I’m about ready to lose a finger, or at least a fingernail. I understand, on a mental level that these things are perfectly safe, but I really can’t get that on a mental level.

2. I always manage, somehow, to thread THE MACHINE wrong. If the thread is right, then the bobbin is wrong, if both of those are right, I forgot to do that weird thing where you pull the bobbin thread up through the little slot. (Do you know what I mean.) If I remember to do that step, then there surely isn’t enough thread on the bobbin. If the bobbin has plenty of thread, then the stitch width is probably wrong.

3. I never know the correct way to sew in a zipper. No matter what I do, I can’t do it right. I think that everybody has their own way of doing it, and I probably will never be able to find mine out. I’ll live with it somehow.

See, that’s just the top of the list, what I think will be the most entertaining. I wouldn’t tell you something if I didn’t think it was entertaining. Okay, maybe I would, but I would be brief about it. My relationship with THE MACHINE is very entertaining.  I salute all of you who are brave enough to do battle with your MACHINES on a regular basis. This is why I always crochet my steeks, and why I always hand sew everything; it’s not because I think it’s worth my time, but because I’m afraid of THE MACHINE.

Where was I? Right, sweater.

There will not be any pictures of it, simply because I need a hair cut, and there is no way that I’m showing you pictures of me with the hair of a cocaine addicted hipster. I am known around these here parts for my wildly and recklessly curly hair, which I loathe with the passion of a martyr. When it’s sort, it is nice, I can keep it clean easy, I don’t have to worry about trying to suppress it with seven different kinds of product, which would only work for about an hour. But right now, I go around looking like I was just frightened in the middle of a wind storm. I don’t think you want to see any of that. (Not showing our pictures because we’re ashamed of our appearances seems to be a little common recently, hmmmm?) (You know who you are.) (I hope.)




  1. I am going to refrain from the photo comment except to say that you could lay it on the floor and photograph it that way. I’ve been told that works well. I’ve even seen said technique on other blogs. just saying…

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